


I want nothing on me but your hoodie

by forsekais



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hoodies, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Various Artists, there's a tag for 'hoodies' this is too cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28321974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forsekais/pseuds/forsekais
Summary: “It’s nothing,” Jongin smiles. “Anything makes you happy.”“Thanks babe,” says Sehun without thinking. “Gotta go. Love you.”Wait. Shit.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 873
Collections: EXO on Ice Round 1





	I want nothing on me but your hoodie

**Author's Note:**

> Written for EXO On Ice Fest, prompt EOI248. 
> 
> "It's winter, and Sehun has taken a liking to wearing Jongin's (his roommate) hoodies, right after wearing one, accidentally, as he was in a rush. So Sehun always lies and makes up excuses just so he could wear them again and again. "It's all still in the laundry shop." "They said they misplaced it." "I forgot where I last saw that hoodie."
> 
> Specially dedicated to Mon ♡
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/forsekais)

The first time is an accident.

In retrospect, Sehun should have listened to Junmyeon when his cousin told him to invest in a good, authentic IKEA alarm clock and not depend on the app on his phone. “It’s more difficult to wake up in the winter,” Junmyeon’d said with a serious look on his face. “Your body won’t have a clear distinction of daytime and nighttime due to the suppression of melatonin, which leads to an increased desire to sleep and longer sleep time once you actually pass out.”

Sehun had ignored him, like always, until one Thursday he opens his eyes and realizes he has only 30 minutes until his Economics seminar starts. And it’s presentation day, which means for every minute late, ten points will be deducted from the final grade. In a panicked rush, he grabs the first piece of clothing in the bottom drawer before running to class. He trips three times and almost steps on a cat, so frankly speaking, his outfit is the last thing on his mind.

Junmyeon’s mind, however, begs to differ.

“It’s not your hoodie,” Junmyeon pokes him with a pen as soon as Sehun returns to his seat. “Good presentation, by the way. Your data analysis is impressive.”

Sehun sighs. “Right, because clothes display and shape identity with a direct material reality and thus are an expression of how one’s identity changes and my socially perceived identity currently doesn’t match with what I wear therefore I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance?”

“Wow,” Johnny looks up from his notes. “Some deep shit right there, man.”

“Glad to know you’re reading not just sappy manga,” Junmyeon says. “But what I mean is you’re wearing Jonginnie’s hoodie.”

“Oh,” Sehun says. He glances down at the hoodie he’s wearing. _Oh_. It’s Jongin’s Kappa Tau black pullover hoodie in the flesh. The letter Φ already started to peel away despite Jongin’s multiple attempts to fix the tear. That’s why the hoodie is in the bottom drawer; Jongin uses that drawer as a storage sort of thing, casual clothes that he doesn’t wear often while Sehun uses it for his socks collection. Well. At least the hoodie is really comfortable. The lightweight, breathable, four-way stretch material makes it easy to move around. It goes well with Sehun’s joggers and his Converse. Even better, the brushed fabric gives it a fuzzy touch for an extra soft feel that’s warmer than any comforter Sehun grew up with.

“I was in a rush this morning,” Sehun explains. He doesn’t know why he has to explain. Jongin wears Sehun’s Iron Man socks all the time. They’re roommates. It’s no big deal.

“It looks good on you,” Johnny says. “I wish Mark would let me wear his Privé hoodie.”

“Maybe you just need to ask,” Junmyeon advises.

“Maybe you don’t need to ask,” Sehun says. “Just take it.”

“You’re so spoiled,” Junmyeon grunts. He lets Sehun steal his cappuccino regardless.

*****

The second time is a matter of convenience.

“What takes you so long?” Jongin shouts from the kitchen. “Moonkyu is already downstairs.”

“I can’t find anything to wear!” Sehun yells back. It’s Jongin’s fault to ask him to go out on such short notice, right after he comes back from loading the washer. Who goes Christmas shopping in November? But Jongin promises to treat him to BBQ dinner, and Sehun never refuses free food. “All my sweatshirts are in the washer.”

It's one of those days when normal clothes feel thinner than they actually are. This morning, Sehun looks out of the window and sees the heavy fog that hides the homes in the neighborhood. He feels winter breath on his skin, the tip of his nose red and numb. The only solace is Jongin brewing fresh coffee and generously making Sehun a cup just the way he likes it. Jongin is an attentive person. 

Jongin is saying something into his phone. “Sehunnie, Moonkyu can't park in front of our building for more than ten minutes or he’ll get a ticket.” His voice is impatient, but still smooth like peanut butter. “Just take one from my closet.”

“Oh right,” Sehun says. He yanks open Jongin’s closet and is greeted with an assortment of winter clothes in various colors, from sweaters to cardigans, hoodies and coats. Jongin has enough clothes to open a fashion week in their apartment. Sehun is reaching for the Izro orange sweatshirt when he sees _it_. 

The Kappa Tau hoodie.

It’s folded neatly on top of Jongin’s pastel color bath towels. Sehun has no idea how it ends up here instead of in the bottom drawer where it belongs to, but Jongin is not exactly a role model for tidiness so this is not much of a surprise.

Sehun stares at the hoodie with his hand dangling in mid-air. One movement and he will reach the hem of the Izro sweatshirt. But his eyes can't seem to move away from the black hoodie. Like it’s calling for him. Like there’s a connection between them. It sounds bizarre, but it’s nothing compared to those horror movies and paranormal activity documentaries Jongin has made him watch. Sehun has heard and seen worse.

Jongin is yelling again. “Sehun, hurry up. For God's sake, wear my Izro sweatshirt! You like that one."

Sehun did like it, before his experience with this black hoodie. Jongin's Izro sweatshirt is thick and soft, a cold-weather go-to, but it lacks the...special sentimental touch.

"Did you see the sweatshirt?"

Sehun probably sets himself up for this, but he doesn’t want to pay for Moonkyu’s parking ticket. Quickly, he coughs, "It's okay, I'll just wear my old hoodie. Be right there!", and puts on the black hoodie. Then, he takes his rain jacket from his unmade bed and drapes it over his shoulders. It's not the best combination, the yellow rain jacket doesn't provide any additional warmth and only makes Sehun look like an adult version of poor Georgie from _It_. But there's no time. He doesn't make the best decisions under pressure. He rushes to the kitchen, where Jongin is waiting for him, bundled up in a white bear sweater, a long beige coat and brown snow boots. 

Jongin’s eyes scan over Sehun. Sehun’s heart is pounding faster than usual. What if Jongin finds out Sehun has, against his will, taken an instant liking to Jongin’s old hoodie and gone as far as hiding it from him? It’s not weird, is it? To develop an emotional tether with an article of clothing? Specifically, your roommate’s? When Sehun was in high school, he used to wear Junmyeon’s shoes more often than his own. He also sees Baekhyun wear Jongdae’s white plaid shorts all the time. Even Jongin sometimes comes back to their apartment wrapped up in Chanyeol’s basketball jersey. It’s what men do. So there’s no reason for Jongin to look at him like that.

“Is there something on my face?”

Jongin takes a step closer. “No,” he whispers. “But you’ll get cold.” He pulls out a pair of gloves from the front pocket of his coat. “Here, put these on.”

“I’m not a baby,” Sehun grumbles. Jongin is always protective of him, especially after that incident which happened a month after they started rooming together. Jongin came home at midnight to find Sehun passing out in front of the bathroom with a 39°C fever, barely breathing and pale as a sheet of paper. It took 3 hours for Sehun to regain his consciousness in the hospital, but it took 4 hours and half the Kappa Tau house to calm a panicked Jongin down. 

It’s been two and a half years since then, but Jongin still makes Sehun a glass of fresh orange juice every day. If he’s too busy to buy oranges, he’ll order one from the juice bar downtown. During winter and summer breaks, Jongin would text him in the morning and remind him to take his daily dose of vitamin C. Last summer, he made a surprise visit to Sehun’s house with two bags of oranges harvested from his grandmother’s garden. Instead of saying thank you like normal people do, Sehun’s brother told Jongin he had his blessings if he ever considered asking for Sehun’s hand in marriage. Jongin had casually draped an arm around Sehun’s shoulder and laughed, loud and bright like a bust of water main arching into the sky, soaking everyone around him with glee. Sehun’d wanted to keep a straight face, but ended up giggling before he could stop himself.

“You’re everyone’s baby,” Jongin corrects. Sehun automatically opens his palm, since it was scientifically proven that no one could resist Jongin’s expectant look, not when those brown orbs stare into your soul, beautiful like polished amber in first rays of dawn. “Let’s go. Don't worry, I'll keep you safe from the sewers."

Sehun slaps Jongin's arm. "Stop. No one is that stupid to talk to an ugly clown popping up in the sewer."

"Uh huh," Jongin smirks. "Then who skipped classes after watching the movie because it was raining outside?"

"Not me," Sehun glares at Jongin. "Now shut up before I punch you."

The actual shopping doesn’t take long, since Moonkyu and Jongin only plan to buy decoration items for Christmas and not gifts. Moonkyu, being the organized and wonderful human that he is, already has a list. He refuses to stop at any extra destination per Jongin’s impromptu requests before they finish purchasing everything they need, and by the time their cart is filled with ornaments, stockings, candles, garlands, mini Christmas trees, Christmas tableware and Christmas edition cat food, Jongin is too hungry to whine about checking out the new jacket collection from American Apparel.

“I’m starving,” he murmurs sadly. “I can’t feel my legs.” 

“I see you have superb acting skills,” Moonkyu says. His eyebrow quirks up as he catches a red reindeer antler headband. “What is this?”

“It’s for me. I’m going to be a reindeer for Kappa Tau’s Secret Santa night.”

“God, even your costume is boring,” Moonkyu says and turns back to check the receipt.

“You’re just jealous because your astronomy club doesn’t know how to party,” Jongin sticks out his tongue. “I’m always the highlight of any Christmas party. Ask Sehunnie.”

“It’s because of your ugly sweaters,” Moonkyu scoffs. “I don’t know why people like ugly sweaters. They’re tacky.”

“It’s the emotional value, Moonkyu,” Jongin rolls his eyes. “Ugly sweaters remind people of memories with their grandmas. They don't necessarily look bad. Take me for example.”

“Your grandma doesn’t knit sweaters,” says Moonkyu. “Your frat does. Why are frat boys so weird?”

The question is directed at Sehun. Jongin pouts. Sehun clears his throat. “It really helps with bonding.”

Moonkyu signs the receipt with a sigh. “It really doesn’t. You just love Jongin too much to say otherwise.”

As a loyal member of Kappa Tau’s Ugly Sweater Contest organizing committee, Sehun tries to feel offended. He promotes that tradition because he enjoys helping and bringing happiness to fellow students, not because he’s whipped for Jongin. He is not whipped. Jongin is his roommate and his friend. It’s platonic. 

“I’ll let you know that it’s an honor to be loved by Sehunnie,” Jongin says proudly as he finds his way to Sehun’s hand and interlaces their fingers. Jongin does that a lot; he’s always craving for touch in one way or another. Sehun doesn’t mind, since Jongin gives the best hugs and it’s impossible to turn away from his puppy eyes. He enjoys Jongin’s company; his roommate is nice, caring and a natural comedian. He doesn't baby Sehun like Junmyeon does, nor does he feed Sehun with gossip about the entire campus like Baekhyun. He's just Jongin. Sehun thinks he is pleased with that. 

He squeezes back, letting the warmth and softness of his own hand tell Jongin that he’s here. Jongin needs that reassurance, one that he rarely asks but two years can teach you a lot about a person. 

It teaches Sehun that while Jongin could memorize Sehun’s habits as fast as he does with dance moves, he could be forgetful and oblivious when it comes to other daily things, such as his Chemistry assignment deadline, where he keeps the protein powder, or more specifically, his own hoodie.

Jongin doesn’t say a word about Sehun wearing his hoodie. He probably doesn’t notice, since Jongin could never stay quiet for long if he’s curious about something. Which means Sehun's yellow rain jacket is doing a great job. Jongin spends most of dinner talking about the terrifying group project in his Design and System Thinking class and persuading Moonkyu to join Kappa Tau’s ugly sweater design contest. 

Sehun waits until after they return to their apartment and Jongin disappears into the bathroom to let out a sigh of immense relief. As he changes to his PJ, he contemplates returning the hoodie to its rightful owner. But the moment it leaves his body, he already misses the comfiness of the soft material. None of his hoodies had such an effect on him before. Jongin’s old hoodie trumps all the AOQ Studio Space and Urban Outfitters zip-ups Sehun’s been collecting over the years.

To be honest, Sehun doesn’t know why. He’s not the type to dwell on the details if not necessary, so he focuses on only fact. The fact is: He is addicted to this hoodie. 

What Sehun wants, Sehun gets. He makes a trip to the kitchen and stops for a few seconds in front of the bathroom. He sucks in a breath; Jongin is singing to One Direction’s songs. Which means he would be in there for at least another twenty minutes. Sehun only needs three to fold the hoodie and put it in his drawer, behind his pile of jerseys and T-shirts, a place Jongin would never find out.

He feels a tiny pang of guilt in his chest when Jongin pokes his head into the room and asks if Sehun wants some milk before bed. He nods, and the smile he receives is like a spring flower opens.

*****

The third time's the charm.

“Is that my hoodie?” Jongin asks as he barges into Sehun’s room out of the blue with a bag of chips when Sehun is in the middle of arranging his laundry basket. “Where did you find it?”

Sehun freezes. His brain simultaneously decides that this is a good time to clock off. “Uhm.”

Jongin casually sits down on Sehun’s bed and talks around a mouthful of chips. His plump pink lips are turning orange and Sehun praises himself for being detail-oriented. It’s a desirable characteristic that employers look for in their new recruits, according to Junmyeon in the information sessions he organized for Career Services that he forced Sehun to join so he could achieve the attendance KPI and look cool to his supervisor, some guy named Minsook or Minseok. Whatever. Right. Jongin is talking. “I thought I’d lost it.”

“You didn’t lose it,” Sehun says. He cradles the hoodie to his chest as if it were a baby chick. He and Jongin made an attempt to raise a baby chick once in the spring semester of their freshman year. It didn’t go well. They were not bad chick parents, Jongin’d said to Sehun, it was the space constraint. A small dorm room with a bunk bed was not ideal for the healthy development of a chick. “I found it...on the floor.”

Jongin stops munching. “Well, that’s weird ‘cause I had stopped wearing it like, a year ago? You know, when we moved here from the dorm?”

Of course Sehun knows. He was the one who spent a month apartment hunting with Chanyeol and Baekhyun since Jongin was too naive and trusting for his own good. “Yeah,” he makes a vague gesture, hoping Jongin would just shut up or change the topic like he usually does at random times during a conversation. 

Jongin frowns. “So what are you doing with my hoodie? Are you going to throw it away?”

“No!” Sehun squeaks. Then realizes he’s acting out of character. There’s nothing to be nervous or embarrassed about. It’s just a hoodie. He coughs. “I’m doing laundry tonight and because I’m an extraordinary roommate, I’ll help you wash it.”

“You don’t have to,” Jongin says. “I don’t wear it anymore. The logo is about to fall apart so I will just keep it there for the graduation photoshoot with the bros.”

So Jongin still needs the hoodie, Sehun’s mind registers. He would have to be extra careful then. Switching to a delicates or hand wash cycle may be a better option. That is, if Jongin doesn’t take the hoodie back and lock it somewhere with ten layers of security and Sehun would never be able to feel the softness again.

The mere thought makes him want to cry. But Sehun is not a baby, no matter how insistent Junmyeon is in this regard. Sehun is a man. A man does not cry over the possible irreversible loss of a hoodie. A man fights for what he needs. 

“Listen, Jongin,” Sehun says in the most serious tone Jongin’s heard since they had that no-more-taking-in-stray-animal-without-prior-discussion talk after the baby chick incident. “I need to borrow your hoodie.”

Jongin’s eyes widen in surprise. “For what?”

Good thing Sehun has a sharp mind. “First Snow Café has a bake sale next week. Anyone who wears frat clothing gets a slice of brownie for free.”

It’d be the dumbest promotion scheme for a business if it were true. Lucky for Sehun, Jongin does not major in Economics or Business. He believes in kindness, sometimes blindly. “That’s nice of them,” Jongin says. “Christmas is the season of giving.”

“Cool,” Sehun says. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Jongin smiles. “Anything makes you happy.”

Sehun’s phone chimes. He swipes up to find a message from Jaehyun telling him the washer is now available. “Thanks babe,” says Sehun without thinking. “Gotta go. Love you.”

Wait. Shit. 

He looks up and sees Jongin clutching the chips like they could slip through his fingers at any moment. Some already did. Sehun needs to vacuum the crumbs later. Jongin’s cheeks are pink. Is it the heater? Sehun makes a mental note to call the landlord tomorrow. 

“Thanks Jongin,” he amends. “Love you, bro.”

“Uhm, love you too,” Jongin says. “Bro.”

On Monday, Sehun wears the black hoodie to First Snow. He has permission from its owner. The hoodie must be proud of him. He pats it, feeling its perfect weight on him, the gently worn material softened through years of dance practice and hours on the soccer field. Jongin is not good at sports, yet that doesn’t stop him from trying and having fun with his friends until his legs ache and his back damp with sweat, in a good way. Jongin’s hoodie, therefore, has a history, which makes it more comfortable and special than any store-bought mass-produced item.

“Give me two slices of brownie,” Sehun tells Johnny.

“We don’t have brownies today,” Johnny replies. “Preorders for Christmas are full so from now on all we will be baking is gingerbread house.”

“You must give me brownies,” Sehun pleads. Jongin’d looked unusually excited this morning when he saw Sehun leave for the nonexistent bake sale in _his_ hoodie. Sehun couldn’t come back empty-handed and expose himself like that. “Tell Kyungsoo I need it for Jongin.”

Johnny fixes him with a look. “Jongin again?”

“Yeah, Jongin,” Sehun says. “I’ll come back around noon. Could you please tell Kyungsoo?”

“Sure,” Johnny says after an intentional pause. “Do you have a crush on your roommate or something? ‘Cuz that’d be cute.”

"No." Sehun replies instinctively. "He's my friend."

"Dude, all love stories start with that," Johnny smirks. " _No, how can I have feelings for my best friend? We are just good bros who think about kissing each other a lot. Just friends."_

“Shut up.”

*****

They’re watching a documentary about penguins when the question comes up again.

“Did you see my hoodie by any chance?” Jongin murmurs from where he’s laying with his head on Sehun’s lap. “Jaehyun wants to borrow it but I couldn’t find it in my closet.”

Because it’s in Sehun’s closet, not Jongin’s. “No idea,” Sehun lies. “I forgot where I last saw it. What does Jaehyun need it for? I thought he had his own hoodie?”

“I dunno,” Jongin shrugs. “Seems like a visual project or something for his Photography elective.”

“Well, then tell him no,” Sehun wills himself to sound nonchalant. Not guilty until proven. “Hey, doesn’t that penguin by the lake look like Kyungsoo?”

Jongin sits up and blinks at the TV screen. A tiny penguin, around fifty centimetres long with a soft dark blue coat, is smacking a taller penguin with its flippers. The tall penguin squawks loudly, the tiny penguin looks utterly pissed and unimpressed.

Jongin giggles. “Wait, the tall one looks like Chanyeol hyung.”

“Remember the Christmas party last year? Chanyeol hyung messed up the ingredients and we ended up having mega crispy molasses cookies?”

They share a look, then burst out laughing at the same time. Jongin clutches Sehun’s shoulders as his guffaws echo in the small living room. Sehun wraps an arm around Jongin’s waist on reflex to keep him from falling to the floor. Jongin’s laugh is embarrassing and contagious; Sehun can feel tears of mirth in his eyes as the smile tugging his lips breaks into a wide grin.

“I’m gonna send this to Kyungsoo,” Jongin says and wipes his tears with the front of Sehun’s shirt. Gross. “Aww, he’s waddling. How cute.”

Sehun lets Jongin cling to him like a koala. Jongin’s hair smells like jasmine, his weight warm and solid by Sehun’s side as Sehun devises a meticulous plan in his head about how and when he should wear Jongin’s hoodie to avoid the risks of being found out. 

Their class schedules are already different, most of the Business seminars are in the evening while Jongin’s Psychology courses start as early as 8 AM. Jongin usually leaves when Sehun is still asleep and Sehun returns when Jongin is already in his room, getting ready for bed. 

The universe is on Sehun’s side this time. Nothing can separate him and his roommate’s hoodie.

*****

Jongin stops asking about the hoodie. December comes with rehearsal for the grand year-end performance, preparation for Kappa Tau’s events including ugly sweater design contest and Christmas party, thus Jongin barely has time to babble random trivia at Sehun. Sehun is no better, with the deadline for the first draft of his thesis hanging over his head like an ornament and intense practice for the swimming national championship in early spring. The winter weather is getting worse. It’s the kind of cold winter that leaves the river beneath deep ice and makes Sehun almost forget how his neighbors look like under those layers of sweaters and scarves. 

Though the air that bares only the coldness and the toothy bite of the north wind, Sehun is glad he has their studio apartment to return to at the end of a long, exhausting day filled with numbers and graphs. Their cozy place with their beautiful Christmas tree that they decorate by themselves. In the first week of December, Jongin clears out his schedule for the weekend to create a photo tag tree with Sehun. They print out their favorite photos taken this year, glue them to the back of gift tags, write a message on each photo and hang them up. They spruce up the tree with dried orange slices for a vintage touch, and cover the unsightly base with an antique candy box provided by Jongin’s mom. 

Sehun loves the final look, it’s not over-the-top yet it gracefully embraces the true meaning of Christmas — warm and full of sentiments. Jongin takes time to paint each white-washed pinecone with colorful glitters, while Sehun creates little stars from wrapping papers. Everything is handmade, everything feels like _home_. 

He catches several snowflakes on his hand as he walks out of his car. They’re pristine and pretty. The sound of classic guitar grows louder as his apartment comes into view. Sehun swipes the card, the door swings open and he’s engulfed in the soothing scent of jasmine and hot cocoa. On the couch that used to be his bed for the last two days, Chanyeol is strumming his guitar. Next to Chanyeol, on the carpeted floor, Baekhyun is drawing on a sketchbook. He’s too engrossed in doodling to notice Sehun until Chanyeol nudges at him with his Rudolph sock clad foot. Baekhyun beams at him, temporarily letting go of his sketch and all it takes is a quick look to find out Baekhyun is working on an ugly sweater design. He sees an upside down fir tree with a humping reindeer. Considering how this is only a sketch, there’s no doubt Baekhyun’s design would be an old-timey ugly classic with dangly bits to make granny proud.

“Your puppy is over there,” Baekhyun points to a lump behind Chanyeol, covered in Sehun’s blue blanket. His bear slippers are at Chanyeol’s feet. Sehun carefully puts down his backpack and walks closer, gently lifts up the blanket to reveal a sleeping Jongin who is holding his phone loosely in his hand. The screen is all black, so Jongin’s phone is out of battery again. Sehun removes the phone from Jongin’s grasp with ease, then brings it to the charger on their kitchen island, where he finds a box of milk tea powder from a local store in Busan that he discovered on YouTube a few months ago and told Jongin about it. Without realizing, a smile envelopes his entire face, a smile that bursts from within.

“Sehun?” Jongin croaks out, voice hoarse from sleep. Sehun turns around to see a mop of messy brown hair peek out from under the blanket. “You back?”

“Yeah, I’m done with the data analysis. Just a few more paragraphs and then I can send the draft to Professor Jung for feedback.”

Jongin grins. “You’re so cool,” he drawls. “Did you eat properly when I was away?”

“You went for two days, not ten years,” Baekhyun snorts obnoxiously. “Sehunnie is perfectly fine without you.”

Physically speaking, Sehun is fine. It’s not like they’re attached at the hip. Sehun and Jongin have their respective circle of friends and only a small group of mutuals that consist of Kappa Tau members like Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Jongdae. Mentally speaking, it may have something to do with the coldest winter Sehun’s seen in five years. The grey sky, the dark hues of winter coats, the sidewalk that crunches like sugar underfoot, they’re all asking for an additional human presence. Jongin went on a field trip to Busan with his Visual Arts class for two days and all of a sudden Sehun found himself curl up on the couch, next to the Christmas tree, wearing Jongin’s hoodie because it was the only item that could keep him warm enough. There was a dull ache in his heart, longing for the familiar smell of ground coffee and the moderately annoying sound of the electric juicer.

But for the most part, he misses the cuddles.

It’s not something new. Jongin loves holding hands and hugging and touching, so Sehun didn’t think much when he started sliding next to Sehun asking for cuddles to end his bad day on a positive note. Sehun has gone through most of the bad with Jongin — when he fights with his irresponsible group mates, when he is disappointed with himself because of one particular mistake in his dance performance, when his supervisor at his internship is being a jerk, when he feels sad for breaking someone’s heart. Sehun always gives him the cuddles, because it’s the least a friend could do. 

Cuddles have become a staple of their friendship. It starts on Sehun’s bunk bed in their shared dorm room, then it becomes a habit. Jongin would ask Sehun to cuddle him or let him cuddle Sehun, and Sehun would be happy to indulge him any time. Like now. Jongin is blinking at Sehun, a pout on his lips as he opens his arms wide. Sehun slides into his embrace and is surprised at how he fits in Jongin’s arms like a pair of jeans. Jongin runs a hand down Sehun’s back and snuggles against the broadness of Sehun’s chest. 

“Miss you,” Jongin murmurs. Sehun closes his eyes and buries his face into the softness of Jongin’s tousled hair. 

Chanyeol starts playing _All I Want For Christmas Is You_ right after Baekhyun makes a pretentious gagging noise. As cliché as it sounds, Sehun lets himself soak in the serenity he could never experience if Jongin is not close to him. 

“I bought a killer bottle of hazelnut liqueur,” Jongin says. “Should we make a yule log next week?”

“For the record, I think it’s a terrible idea,” Chanyeol pipes in. “Both of you couldn’t even whip the egg yolks properly. Last time you almost blew up the oven. I don’t have enough budget to pay for the damage. Also it’s difficult to explain the expense to the Student Council.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes dramatically. “You’re talking as if you and the vice-president weren’t fucking like rabbits.” He effortlessly dodges the cushion Chanyeol throws at him. “Why don’t we spice up our Christmas party? Baking is so...domestic. Only elderly couples like Sehun and Jongin do that shit.”

“We’re not a couple,” Sehun says. “And don’t worry, the party will escalate anyways. Last year we called it White Christmas and there was literally cocaine.”

Chanyeol makes a face. “God, please don’t remind me.”

“It was an unfortunate accident,” Baekhyun says. “Now, what y’all think about a dress code? A mistletoe underwear with the mistletoe print right on your ass cheek. Makes it easy to kiss.”

“Wasn’t it your outfit last year?” Jongin asks. “With tinsel hanging from your nipples?”

“You know what?” Chanyeol says. “Go ahead with the baking thing. Make sure you get all the VAT invoices and give them to Jaehyun.”

“You guys are old and grumpy and boring,” Baekhyun sighs. “I should’ve pledged to Sig Ep.”

*****

Sehun doesn’t make enemies. He makes friends. He makes terribly burnt cookies with Jongin. He makes an effort to be his optimistic cute pretty self 24/7. He is competitive, but not in a negative way. Seeing people better than him in a certain aspect stimulates him and motivates him to work harder. Sehun is a nice person in his own humble opinion. He steps back when he needs to. The spotlight has never been his ultimate destination. But when a tall, decent looking silver-haired guy walks into _their_ territory holding Jongin’s favorite latte from Starbucks, it really strikes a nerve.

“Who’s that Taeyang kid?” Sehun hisses.

“Relax,” Baekhyun whispers. His ugly sweater design is almost done. There are two reindeers humping each other, an upside down fir tree, an excessive amount of pom-poms and actual Christmas sparkling ornaments in what seems to be at least four different shades of bright colors. “He’s from the same dance team with Jongin. A criminal justice major. Also the vice-captain of our basketball team.”

Jongin loves crime novels and his childhood dream was to become a FBI agent. He also develops a routine of tuning in to basketball games recently, a result of watching Kuroko no Basuke nonstop for a week and getting attached to the series. Sehun prefers swimming, but he enjoys learning new things here and there, which is why he sits through all the live broadcasts with Jongin. He doesn’t numb his legs and tolerate halftime commercials for Jongin to discuss the games with that Taeyang kid as they work on whatever coding assignment in the Design and System Thinking class. It’s so not fair play.

“Calm down, Sehun,” Baekhyun says. “The kid isn’t going to take Jongin away.”

But he’s also not going away anytime soon, considering how Jongin whines about the long assignment that will take _hours_ to complete. Jongin is wearing glasses and a brown sweater today. It’s one of his casual boyfriend outfits, as he likes to call them. Jongin is doing math, but Taeyang isn’t. At least not the kind of math Jongin is working on. Taeyang is deliberately moving closer to Jongin, which confirms Sehun’s suspicion that the brat only cares about what is a good angle to touch Jongin’s flat ass without being called out.

Taeyang slings an arm around Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin seems unperturbed, his brows furrowed in concentration as he struggles with figuring out the correct algorithm. His sweater paw is moving frantically up and down his notebook, and Sehun can’t stop staring.

“Sehun, keep it together, he’s our junior,” Baekhyun says. Sehun’s eyes are beautiful, they can convey a thousand words with just a look, which sounds romantic when it’s not a death glare like the one Sehun is currently throwing at Taeyang. “What are you jealous about?”

“Nothing,” Sehun says. He doesn’t lie — it just feels unsettling somehow. His stomach is in knots, there’s an urge to….walk up to them and cuddle the heck out of Jongin because he feels like doing so. Isn’t that what Jongin often does? 

Sehun is confused about his own feelings. He’s not the possessive type — he didn’t even get jealous when his ex boyfriend flirted with strangers at the bar to evoke him (he did get tired, hence the break-up on their one-year anniversary, but it’s another long story). But something gets stuck in his throat as he watches Taeyang leaning close to whisper something in Jongin’s ears. Instead of pushing the younger away, Jongin laughs and punches him lightly on the arm.

“I hate kids,” Sehun grumbles. “Period.” 

Baekhyun pats his back soothingly. “Oh puppy, you don’t. You just love Jongin too much.”

Sehun bares his teeth at Baekhyun. Yes, he loves Jongin, but in a totally platonic way. After all, it’s impossible to not love Jongin when the man is a total sweetheart. Where do you find a roommate who is also one of your best friends, who knows you like the back of his hand, who makes orange juice and prepares a foot soak for you every Thursday because he knows your muscles ache after practice? Sehun must have saved three kingdoms in his previous life to know Jongin in this life. 

It’s not like he never thought about liking Jongin before. In fact, that was one of the very first conversations they had.

"Sehun," Jongin said, "are you drunk?"

"I never drink when I'm on duty.” Sehun was working as a night shift security guard for residential buildings back then. “That's a serious allegation, dude."

Jongin gave him a long, cool look. Sehun tried to deduct the meaning behind his expression and quickly gave up because there probably wasn't any. 

He watched Jongin run his fingers through his neatly styled hair, messing it up in the process. "You," he pointed at Sehun, "just ask me if _you_ have a crush on _me_." 

Sehun nodded.

Jongin stared at him in disbelief. "How on earth can I answer that? Do _you_?"

"Do I what?"

"Have a crush on me?" 

Sehun contemplated between answering Jongin and plotting a perfect murder against Junmyeon, who planted the idea in his head. Morality wins. "No. Yeah. No, but I mean, I don't know." Sehun mumbled. Jongin hadn’t moved from his spot. "That's why I ask. I don't feel anything toward you now, but I can't say for sure that nothing will happen in the future. I mean, you’re pretty and hilarious. I’m single and I love funny people. I just—" he continued deliriously, "I just really like hanging out with you in the last two months. I don't want to lose what we have? If I develop a crush on you and it — _we_ — don't work out in the end then it'd be awkward. We'd stop talking to each other. We’d be strangers. I don't make friends easily, so I can't bear the thought of losing any of my friends. What if, I mean Junmyeon hyung has been asking me — of course I say no. For now. Since it's not like I have any plan of falling for you or something, I feel scared thinking about the what-ifs, and—"

"Sehun," Jongin called out his name in a low, husky voice. "Sehun-ah," he repeated, and Sehun felt a warm, calloused hand on top of his shivering one. "It's okay. It's okay. I’m here. Take a breath. Calm down." 

Jongin gently massaged Sehun’s wrist with his thumb. The slow, tender movement against his skin, along with Jongin's scent, managed to soothe his racing mind. He tilted his head back, taking a lungful of air and focused on his breath. In. Out. 

When he finally calmed down, he cracked his eyes open and saw Jongin half-sitting between his legs, face unreadable. "You good?" 

"Yeah.”

Jongin slightly moved his hand to rest on Sehun's thigh. "Listen," he began, "We will never stop being friends. Even if the world ends tomorrow or we date and then break up, I still want to be your friend. I can’t predict the future, but I promise you that no matter what happens, I will stay by your side. I won’t let you go. I'd never do something stupid such as leaving someone like you. You gotta trust me on this. Is it clear?"

Sehun suddenly felt small under Jongin's sharp gaze, but it was not an uncomfortable feeling. "Okay," he croaked out. Jongin smiled and reached up to pat his head.

"Maybe okay will be our always," Jongin said jokingly later as they sprawled on the floor with their toes touching and played Minecraft. 

"Shut up."

A look of feigned hurt plastered on Jongin's face and Sehun laughed. They charged into the rowdy battlefields and shot the enemies mercilessly until they fell asleep, surrounded by microscopic popcorn crumbs and empty soda cans.

They didn't talk about the conversation when they woke up. Sehun was glad Jongin didn’t press matter any further.

But now, hearing Jongin giggle at Taeyang’s jokes, Sehun isn’t sure whether the lack of a follow-up conversation two years ago is a blessing or a curse.

*****

Taeyang leaves after four hours of sitting on Sehun’s dog paw pillow and hogging Jongin all to himself, but not without telling Jongin to sleep early and meet him on Wednesday for lunch. He gives Sehun a bright smile before leaving, and Sehun bids him goodbye with a customer service smile as he tears open the lid of a ramen cup to let the brat know that he’s capable of cooking for both himself and Jongin so there’s no need to have lunch at that newly opened burger joint when Jongin can bring a homemade lunch box to class. 

The door closes and Sehun soaps up his hands to wash the dishes although it’s not his turn today. But he has to keep himself occupied to pretend that he doesn’t _care_. 

“Sehunnie?” Jongin’s voice is unsure, but the concern is evident. “Are you okay?”

The lump in his throat comes back in full force and Sehun swallows. It hurts. “I’m good.” He’s lying, and he hates himself for that. Lying to Jongin is a dealbreaker. But he’s clueless about what to tell Jongin. He eyes the boiling water on the stove. His appetite is all gone. Unreasonable jealousy is ugly, Sehun never wants to get involved with such toxicity. Yet he’s standing awkwardly with his back facing Jongin, rinsing a plate from dinner last night and waiting for Jongin to declare that, _No, Sehun, you don’t seem okay, tell me what’s wrong_ , and then Sehun would brush him off and go hide in the safety of his bedroom and blame no one but himself.

There’s a pause, then Jongin slides up next to him. He grabs a roll of cling film from the cupboard, and still doesn’t say anything.

“What are you doing?” Sehun asks. It’s 9 PM, approximately an hour before Jongin’s designated bedtime. “Don’t tell me you want to bake cookies.”

Jongin stares at him with amusement. “No, I’m putting the unhealthy dehydrated noodles away.”

“What?”

“Your supposed-to-be dinner,” Jongin jerks his head towards the ramen cup. “I’ll order wings.”

A flower blooms in Sehun’s chest. There are days Sehun feels like Jongin knows and all defense barriers are useless against him. This is one of those days. It scares the shit out of Sehun. “Instant noodles are fine,” he argues weakly. “It’s almost your bedtime.”

“It’s finals month,” Jongin shrugs. “Sleep is for the weak.”

Just like that, everything goes back to normal again.

*****

Sehun doesn’t mean to sound like a show girl, in Baekhyun’s words, but he looks _adorable_ in Jongin’s Kappa Tau hoodie. 

The hoodie is a bit large, which makes it convenient to layer up. On colder days, Sehun can just wear a heattech long sleeve underneath and he’s good to go anywhere, even the long walk up the snow-covered hill to his favorite milkshake bar on campus. The hood is exaggerated, Sehun can pretty much hide in it if he isn’t in the mood to interact with humans. Sehun thinks this is customized for the Kappa Tau bros so they can cover their face on their walk of shame the morning after. 

By the third week, Jongin’s hoodie feels like a second skin. It’s like Sehun’s own skin, but on extremely good skin days. Sehun likes to let the sleeves hang over his hands as he waves a big ol’ sweater paw at Johnny or Kyungsoo and gets a free cookie. Cutie privilege. 

No matter how many times Sehun washes it, the original softness stays. It’s a huge plus. Sehun wonders if Jongin used a special underground fabric softener that’s only sold to fraternities back when he was still wearing it. The hoodie looks effortless and feels effortless. On nights that he has to stay at the library to finish his graph, the hoodie makes him feel like he’s lying on the couch at home. Comfy and soothing. He doesn’t even change out of it when he goes to brunch the next morning.

“What did the other sweatshirts do to you?” Johnny questions as he sits down across Sehun with a plate of pancakes and fruit. “They deserve better. Even the Kappa Tau dudes don’t wear their house hoodie as often as you. And you’re not in their frat.”

Going Greek is not Sehun’s style. It isn’t because frat guys are all douchebags. The Kappa Tau houses decent pledges with good ethics since Chanyeol is the chapter president and Baekhyun is the rush chair. It’s because Sehun doesn’t want to take on additional responsibilities. He’s not the type to do things halfheartedly, and fixing dipshit in the house’s GPA and convincing the brothers they are “ _here for education,_ ” whatever the hell that means are not easy tasks. Yet Sehun is one of the most active members — the only honorary member of Kappa Tau — and it started with Jongin pestering him for playing a game of pool with him. They went to the house to play three nights in a row and when the score was tied, Sehun already called Jongin’s brothers by name.

“This hoodie is...snuggly,” Sehun says. “Exactly my style. Comfort is key.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

Sehun puts down his phone. “Fine. I don’t know why, but this,” he grabs a handful of the hoodie. It’s velvety. So smooth. So fitting between his fingers, “is way more comfortable than any piece of clothing I’ve ever owned. Maybe it’s cursed. Jongin loves the horror stuff. Who knows what he does behind the closed door?”

Sehun actually knows because Jongin rarely closes his bedroom door. It’s how he conditions Sehun to his casual nudity. Jongin never wears underwear at home, which is no problem because Sehun does the same. Good, durable underwears are expensive so to prolong their life cycle, the best way is to minimize usage. If the weather is nice, Jongin will walk around topless, flaunting his six packs to Sehun and the inanimate objects in their apartment. Their neighbors from the building across the street used to be included in the audience, but Sehun bought curtains after Jongin told him the girl in that building asked for his number when they met at the dump site. 

Jongin has a relatively simple life. He studies, dances, hits the gym with Chanyeol, plays soccer with Moonkyu and Wonshik, writes content for Kappa Tau’s philanthropy events, calls his mom twice a week, and spends most of his free time working on his Lego sets or volunteering at the district animal shelter with Sehun. His bed is often reserved for his work-in-progress Lego, therefore he either sleeps on the couch or in Sehun’s bed. So Sehun knows Jongin doesn’t practice voodoo or any weird dark magic. 

Apparently, Johnny knows that too. “Jongin is a harmless puppy. Besides, if anyone has the chance to curse the hoodie, it’s you. You practically stole it from him.” 

“Excuse me, I didn’t steal it. It’s called reuse. Reuse before recycle.”

Johnny snickers. “You told him the hoodie was still at the laundry shop. And you plan out a full schedule for wearing it so that Jongin wouldn’t see you _wearing it_. You threatened little Markeu when the kid saw you wearing it at swimming practice. You—”

“Pause.” Sehun squints his eyes at Johnny. “Mark told you?”

Johnny glares back. “The kid was terrified. He fucking called out your name in his sleep, and I quote, ‘ _Sehun hyung, please don’t, I swear I’d chop off my pinky before I tell Jongin hyung_ ’. God, you’re insufferable.”

Sehun shrugs. “It’s a preventative measure. You know I’m all words and no bite.”

Johnny lets out a tiny sigh. “I know you have the gayest crush on your roommate. Since the beginning. You just lock it away because you want to preserve your friendship. But everyone knows you two are disgustingly domestic. The only ones that don’t notice are you and Jongin.”

Sehun stares at him blankly, hands instinctively curl around the hem of his hoodie. 

“You get flustered when he’s around. You hear his voice and suddenly you keep looking at the ground with the cheekiest smile on your pretty face. You let him blow on your ear. I tried it once and you gave me a black eye.” Johnny pops a strawberry into his mouth. “He makes juice for you from scratch every single morning like it’s a religion or something. He drives two hours to get you your favorite flower on your birthday. He reschedules dancing practice so he could cheer you up at all the competitions you take part in. You guys go grocery shopping every Saturday with a grocery list written on pink post-it notes _._ You make kimbap together and he posts a clip of you chopping vegetables to his Instagram with a baby chick and a heart emoji.” Johnny scrunches his nose. “And now you’re wearing his hoodie and smelling like him. What does Jongin smell like?”

“Jasmine,” Sehun replies. But that's not all. “After dance practice, he has that earthy and woodsy scent. Not overpowering, just the right level of depth? In the summer, he smells like the beach. In spring, he—”

“Just stop,” Johnny holds up a hand, acting like he wasn’t the one who _asked_ in the first place. “Jesus Christ, did you hear yourself when you talk about him? You owe me 1 million dollars for the psychological damage.”

Sehun thinks for a minute. “So,” he pokes at the chicken drumstick on his plate. Spicy chicken, Jongin’s favorite. “What should I do?”

“Aww,” Johnny coos. “I don’t know, man. In this extremely whipped culture, you’re on your own.”

*****

The thing about, this whatever-it-is thing between them, is how it happens naturally like the flow of water. There is no climax, no plot twist, no epiphany — the typical scenes that happen in all those dramas on Netflix never occur to Jongin and Sehun. Their life together as roommates and friends is peaceful. Sehun doesn’t reflect on his feelings because there’s no threat. Jongin doesn’t bring anyone home, and if he stays somewhere overnight, he’ll let Sehun know in advance and it’s usually because of class assignments. 

They had several hook-ups with strangers they met at parties, but that’s it. Sehun never tells them his name, and Jongin leaves before his one night stand wakes up, then they text each other to have brunch, and come home together. At the end of the day, it’s just the two of them.

Now Sehun thinks about it, that’s all he could ever want.

*****

Jongin has an immaculate taste in music, except for Christmas. He has the most annoying holiday playlist that he starts to play when the clock strikes at midnight on the first day of December. Sehun used to get irritated by The Jackson informing him they saw their mommy kissing Santa Claus, but as time passes, he’s reached zen. He no longer needs to take anti-nausea medication when Jongin sings along to _White Christmas_. It takes lots of efforts, but Sehun eventually succeeds.

To say he’s surprised is an understatement when he returns from his Corporate Social Responsibilities seminar and finds the lights on but there’s no _Back Door Santa_ blasting on full volume. Sehun sees a new mini Christmas wreath on the side of the fridge, and when he steps into his bedroom, Jongin is sitting on his bed, beneath a fresh garland layered with a strand of metallic stars on the headboard. The Weeknd’s _Tears in the Rain_ is playing from his laptop in front of him. 

“Jongin?” He asks tentatively. “What’s wrong?”

Jongin gives him a tired smile. “Sehunnie, you’re home.”

“You’re not going to the meeting?” The book drop machine, Jongin’s group project for his Design and System Thinking class, is due soon so he’s been practically living in the engineering lab this week. “Have you eaten?”

Jongin shakes his head. Twice. 

“Alright,” Sehun says. “Scoot over.” 

Jongin puts his laptop on top of the cabinet, then scoots to the side. Sehun turns off the light and gets under the comforter, and immediately gets an armful of Jongin. Jongin pulls him close until he’s flush against Jongin’s neck. Jongin wraps both arms around Sehun’s back, like he’s afraid Sehun would slip out of his hold. They stay like that for a while, no words, only the sound of their steady breaths. Pure. Undemanding. Warm. Sehun’s heart flutters, and he brushes a few caramel brown strands out of Jongin’s eyes, then leans up to kiss his forehead.

That seems to ease the tension out of Jongin. He shifts to rest his chin on Sehun’s shoulders.

“Taeyang confessed to me today.”

Sehun’s fluttering heart stills and leaps to his throat. “What did you say?”

The short silence that follows is deafening to Sehun’s ears. He lets his fingers slide out of Jongin’s hair so he could ball his hand into a fist behind Jongin’s back. His insides twist with nerves, he could feel his pulse pressing outward, jerking the veins within. “Jongin?”

Jongin’s eyes are clear and bright, a complete opposite of the dark, gloomy winter sky outside the window. He holds Sehun’s gaze, and the smile that comes next is soft. Everything about Jongin is soft. He's a baby bear puppy kitten hybrid in human form, according to Chanyeol. “I turned him down, of course.”

“Then,” Sehun says, “why are you sad?”

“I don’t like hurting people, intentional or not,” Jongin says. “He looked like he was going to cry the moment I was out of his sight. And Christmas is in ten days. I think no one should be left with a broken heart during the most beautiful time of the year.”

Relief washes over Sehun as he carefully lets out the breath he’s been holding in calculated puffs. “He’ll understand,” Sehun murmurs. “You need help with your project?”

“Well, it’s almost done. We just need to run some trials and edit the video. Sungwoon and Soojung can take care of that.”

“Good,” Sehun says. Good for him. Good for Jongin. Good for them. “Is that why you were out shopping for Christmas stuff? To keep you from thinking about the guilt?”

Jongin looks surprised, then he follows Sehun’s line of sight. “Oh, this?” He points at the garland. “No, I just feel like our flat needs to be more Christmas-y. I bought us Santa hats. We could wear that to the house party.”

Sehun hums. Who cares about house party when it already feels like Christmas right here, right now, with Jongin flipping their positions so he could be the big spoon. Sehun basks in Jongin’s warmth, listens to Jongin’s heartbeat and slowly, analyzes the familiarity of the warmth enveloping him.

He feels small and safe. He also realizes why the old black hoodie is different. A great hoodie can’t be bought, it has to be given to you. Though Jongin didn’t actually _give_ it to Sehun, the meaning remains the same: It’s perfectly worn for Sehun, and it has Jongin’s scent, so every time he wears the hoodie, it feels like Jongin is hugging him.

Too much for what he calls _platonic_ love.

*****

“I didn’t know you were interested in basketball.”

“There are lots of things you didn’t know about me,” Sehun says smugly. “Wow, you really got the front row VIP seats for us?”

“I have VIP tickets to every game of the season,” Chanyeol says. “I beg you guys to come watch with me every week but no one ever _cares_. Except Jongdae. We don’t deserve Jongdae. So what changes your mind?”

Sehun has a statement to make. “Just wanna try new things.”

Chanyeol turns to look at him, then at the hoodie he’s wearing. Jongin’s Kappa Tau hoodie, with the very worn out Greek letter. Sehun runs a hand deliberately through his hair to create a perfect tousled look. 

A light bulb goes off in Chanyeol’s head. “Oh shit, you’re not here for the game.”

“I certainly am.” Cheers erupt around them as the players get ready on the court. It’s easy to spot Taeyang in his number 6 jersey. Sehun knows what he’s doing is childish, a total dick move. Out of habit, Taeyang glances up to the audience and when he spots Jongin’s hoodie on Sehun, there’s a flick of emotion in his eyes. 

“You’re such a kid,” Chanyeol sighs. “Why don’t you just tell Jongin instead of scaring his admirers off?”

“Baby steps,” Sehun says, and pulls Chanyeol closer for a modelesque pose when he sees the cameraman heading to their row.

*****

The day after Jongin delivers the presentation for his Design and System Thinking class, Sehun takes him to the orphanage downtown. They bring toys, and spend a day baking ginger cookies and decorating Christmas trees with the kids. They have a big pizza and ice cream party for dinner, courtesy of Kappa Tau fraternity card, followed by an impromptu Christmas carol singing contest and lots of happiness.

It’s almost 10 PM when they head back to the alley where Sehun parks his car. They walk in silence; Sehun feels too full from the food and the love they receive from the kids to talk. The snow is falling, wet flakes drifting windlessly down, the ground mushy underfoot. 

“Hey Sehun,” Jongin breaks the silence with a lopsided grin. “What do you want for Christmas?”

Sehun thinks about how Jongin would react if he pulls a Mariah Carey gig and tells Jongin that _there is just one thing I need_ and _all I want for Christmas is you_. Because he means it. There’s no fireworks or angels singing from heaven when realization dawns upon him. It was a normal day in their tenth floor apartment. They were sharing the tiny kitchen space, Jongin making scrambled eggs and Sehun mixing the Chinese yam juice. The first sip was too thick for Sehun’s liking. He turned to ask Jongin to pass him the honey bottle, and it was exactly what was in Jongin’s hand before Sehun could open his mouth. _Your disgruntled sigh_ , was all Jongin said when he saw Sehun’s surprised face, before he returned back to the eggs. 

At that moment, Sehun knew it. Knew that down to his bones, he wants this _thing_ he has with Jongin. He isn’t afraid of what the future may hold; he’s just happy to be a part of Jongin’s life and the world seems to stop when Jongin hugs him to sleep or holds his hand and Sehun wants to go further down that road, the road neither of them has traveled before but uncertainty does not necessarily mean bad things. 

But a small valley that stinks of rotten food is not really a good place to get on your knees and ask for your bro’s hand in, well, not marriage, but something more romantic and official than platonic cuddles between two dudes. Sehun wants to give Jongin better than that, so he seals his mouth shut and shrugs, “I’d love a new Macbook Air.”

“...Bye,” Jongin says, and kneels down to tie his shoelace but Sehun beats him to it. 

"Let me," Sehun murmurs, his fingers already start crossing the ends on the outside and run them through the set of eyelets three rows higher up Jongin's shoe. "You can't tie properly and I feel annoyed just by looking at it." 

He finishes quickly and looks at the lattice-styled lace with satisfaction. "Here you go," he smiles smugly at a bewildered Jongin, "Looks much better, doesn't it?" 

Instead of replying, Jongin just grabs Sehun's hand and pulls him up. Jongin's eyes flick down and away; he seems like he wants to say something but decides against it. 

Later under a street light, Jongin turns his back to Sehun and quickly snaps a photo of his shoelace when he thinks Sehun doesn’t notice. Sehun secretly hopes there is no filter involved, because under the midnight sky with the stars shining a brilliant Van Gogh, Jongin himself is already a living piece of art. 

*

“Where’s your boyfriend hoodie?”

“Technically, he’s not my boyfriend,” Sehun bends down to examine the hunk of clay. He’s doing pottery today, the last thing he’d wear is Jongin’s priceless hoodie. He doesn’t want to imagine how he would feel if something happens to the hoodie. “Yet,” he adds. 

“That’s so cuteeee,” Baekhyun coos. He submerges his hand in the bucket of water and winks at Sehun. “So you’re here today to make him a gift for Christmas?”

Sehun already bought Jongin’s gift: the Colosseum set and the 1989 Batwing set from Lego. They’re currently with Johnny since Sehun wants it to be a total surprise. “I’m here because I need time to _not_ think about how to tell him,” Sehun admits. “It’s been giving me headaches.”

Baekhyun whistles understandingly and begins to smooth the clay into an oddly familiar shape. “Just tell him, you know. Don’t overthink. Words spoken from your heart are the most beautiful language.”

Sehun rolls his sleeves up to his elbows. “I’ll think about it.” He presses down gently on the pedal of the pottery wheel with one foot. The mechanical turning of the wheel sounds strangely calming. “It’s weird hearing this from you. Usually you’d tell me to jump him and suck his dick.”

“I try not to talk about dicks when I’m making one,” Baekhyun continues to push the pedal until his blob of clay looks very much like a dildo. “But to be honest, both of you are the type to lay down the terms before you venture further. So the sooner you tell him, the more,” he clicks his tongue suggestively, “ _things_ you can do that don’t involve subscribing to terrible gay porn sites using the fraternity card.”

“Shit, I did that?”

“Nah, I was talking about myself,” Baekhyun adds more water. “But in case you ask, Jongdae and I are doing great. I just want to add some spicy flavors to the meal sometimes.”

“I didn’t ask,” Sehun says. “What will Jongin prefer? A bouquet of one hundred roses or a candlelight dinner on top of the mountain?”

Baekhyun gives him a withering look. “Just tell him you love him. Then grab him by the front of his ugly sweater and kiss the living daylights out of him.”

“I’ll think about it,” Sehun repeats.

*****

He doesn’t think about it; that’s why at 9 AM on Christmas Eve, he is slumping on the couch, Jongin’s dirty laundry scattered around him. He’s wearing Jongin’s hoodie, the one that he goes to great lengths to make up different stories about its mysterious disappearance so he could keep it, because he is irrevocably in love with its owner. 

He has put Jongin’s Christmas gift under the comforter on Jongin’s bed, so it’s done. Now to the more important part. The _most_ important part: He wants to tell Jongin how he feels about him. He needs to let Jongin know, before someone else beats him to it. Taeyang is just a kid; luckily Jongin doesn’t like dating people younger than him, but next time there might not be a kid. There might be a mature, intelligent man with a witty sense of humor and Jongin would be swept off his feet in a matter of seconds. Sehun feels anxious thinking about Jongin taking a guy home. He definitely won’t be able to tolerate it.

“Help me,” Sehun frantically says when Junmyeon picks up the phone. “I don’t know how to break the news to him.”

Junmyeon’s voice is strangely unstable. He sounds tipsy. “Break. Yeah. Break...what?”

“I have to tell Jongin I like him but I don’t know how. Tell me how. And I don’t want to lose what we have if things don’t go as expected. I need him in my life. Forever.”

“I think you just say it,” Junmyeon comments. “Now end this call and dial his number and repeat exactly what you just told me.”

“I can’t!” Sehun grits his teeth. “You have to get here and hold my hands through it.”

“Either he says yes or he doesn’t.” Junmyeon makes it sound so simple. “And I can’t get to wherever you are. I have plans.”

“Cancel them,” Sehun sniffles angstily. “Didn’t you say I’m your baby?”

“Okay, _baby,_ I have plans,” Junmyeon says. “Good luck, Sehunnie, I have to go.” 

“Wait!” Sehun wails. “At least give me some useful advice like you always do!”

Junmyeon seems to mull it over. “Drink some eggnog,” he advises. “Add one or two extra shots of bourbon.”

*****

Sehun doesn’t know how much time has passed. Twenty minutes? An hour? All he knows is that he makes a badass batch of eggnog and proceeds to finish almost all of it. There seems to be more chairs at the dining table than he remembers. Five chairs? When Moonkyu and Wonshik and Baekhyun came over last week, there were still four chairs. Sehun ended up sitting on Jongin’s lap half of the time and for the other half Jongin sat on his lap. Did Jongin go to IKEA and buy a new chair without telling Sehun? Did he not want to let Sehun sit on his lap anymore? 

Sehun is curious, but he’s definitely _not_ drunk.

He searches for his phone to call Jongin. He manages to find it next to their advent calendar on the kitchen island. There’s no signal, so Sehun decides to leave a voice message. He starts by listing the furniture they bought together: the bookshelf, the couch, the coffee table, the TV stand, the Chinese vase, the small cabinet in Sehun’s room. He doesn’t mean to whine about Jongin buying an extra chair behind his back, he wants to have a serious, mature conversation but it comes out as a pitiful whine.

“Sehunnie?” Someone says very slowly. “Why are you talking to a banana?”

Sehun lazily turns around to find Jongin walking towards him. “Hmm?” He asks dumbly.

“Are you drunk?”

“No!” Sehun says, offended. “I’m not.”

The walls seem to move on their own accord. Sehun feels dizzy. Jongin’s voice is mellow and soft, like a lullaby. “I didn’t buy any new chair.” He pauses. “And your phone is on the couch. It’s a banana you’re holding.”

Sehun looks down at the _phone_ in his hand. It’s indeed a banana, like Jongin said. Too yellow. Okay. He may be a little bit drunk. He needs a glass of water. He blinks at Jongin sheepishly, knowing Jongin would catch the unspoken request. They don’t need words to understand each other.

But today, Jongin only stares at him. 

“Jongin,” Sehun croaks out and winces at how rough he sounds. Must be the bourbon. “I need—”

Jongin cuts him off. “Is that my hoodie?”

_Fuck._

It’s like someone dumps a bucket of ice over his tipsy head and suddenly, everything becomes crystal clear. Sehun blinks. And blinks. The walls are static, the banana is on his lap, around him are Jongin’s clothes from his laundry basket, and Sehun is wearing Jongin’s hoodie. The black Kappa Tau hoodie. The one that was supposed to be lost somewhere and not yet to be found, according to Sehun’s fictional storyline. 

Sehun watches as Jongin sits down on the floor and picks up a white dress shirt. _His_ dress shirt. Now this is how a nesting scene plays out in those werewolf stories Sehun often finds in the history search on the public computer in Kappa Tau’s house.

The presumption of innocence is no longer valid. “Uh,” he says lamely. “It kind of is?”

Jongin furrows his brows and purses his mouth. “You said you forgot where you last saw it.” One excuse. “The girl at the laundry shop misplaced it.” Two. “It was at the shop but the girl went on a vacation and her mom had no idea where she put it.” Three. "And—"

“Kim Jongin.” _Words spoken from your heart are the most beautiful language._ “I like the hoodie because I’m sort of in love with you. I lie so that I can keep wearing it."

Jongin stills.

“I spent an awful amount of time trying to figure out why your hoodie is so comfortable. I did research about textiles and even positive psychology. I—I read a lot, but none of it made sense. Then you passed me the honey without me asking and I just figured. I like you. I like you a lot. And I love wearing your hoodie because it makes me feel warm and safe the way _you_ make me feel. It makes me feel like,” he bites on his lips because what he’s going to say is disgustingly sappy, but it’s important, “like—like I’m _yours_.” 

There, he says it. No candle, no rose, just an excessive amount of eggnog and his heart.

Jongin doesn’t say anything. He looks at Sehun, then at his hoodie on Sehun, and _runs_ to his own room. Sehun barely has time to register what happened when he hears hurried footsteps and Jongin appears in front of him again, pretty fingers lifting Sehun’s chin and forcing Sehun to look up until he meets Jongin’s glistening eyes. In Jongin’s other hand, the one that isn’t holding Sehun’s face ever so gently, is a sprig of mistletoe bundled together with a red ribbon.

“You know the drill,” Jongin whispers and closes the distance between their lips. It all happens so fast that Sehun freezes for a second before he kisses back. Jongin’s lips are soft and tender, moving along the seam of Sehun’s lips slowly and carefully just like how this _thing_ between them has always been. Jongin grabs at Sehun’s nape to pull him closer until their chests collide, and the flower inside Sehun’s chest that blooms every time Jongin touches him grows into a garden. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say it,” Jongin says breathlessly. “You’re driving me crazy when you wear my hoodie looking so small and cute and pretty.”

Sehun pulls away to blink at Jongin. “You knew I was lying about the hoodie the entire time?”

Jongin kisses the red flush of intoxication on Sehun’s cheeks. “I only found out last week.” He manhandles Sehun into his lap. “You were on the cover of our college newspaper. You and Chanyeol hyung. You didn’t give a fuck about basketball, and you were wearing my hoodie. I kinda connected the dots.”

“Oh god.” Sehun wishes the ground just opens and swallows him whole. “That’s so embarrassing.” He buries his face into the crook of Jongin’s neck. It’s so warm and cozy that he wants to stay there forever. “That’s precisely my intention, but still.”

Jongin laughs. “You’re so fucking cute.” He starts rocking them gently back and forth. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You confessed to me, hypothetically, two years ago with ease.”

Sehun pouts. “I didn’t want to be reckless. I wasn’t even sure if I was your type. Things could be messy. I couldn't risk our friendship. I needed time to think it through.”

The truth is, he doesn’t think it through _enough._ Whenever he sits down to write down the pros and cons of _falling in love with your roommate slash best friend_ , he couldn’t get past three lines, often too overwhelmed by the affection bursting through his veins. He has no idea what he should call this thing, but he knows with certainty that he likes it. He likes how nothing feels better than waking up to Jongin making him freshly squeezed orange juice in the morning. He likes the way Jongin cuddles him like he’s Jongin’s favorite human teddy bear. He likes Jongin’s obnoxious laugh when Sehun tells him a joke. He likes them sitting at the dining table writing grocery list on post-it notes every Friday so they could go to the supermarket on Saturday. He likes them too much to think about the unfortunate what-ifs. 

“So,” Jongin’s fingers creep up the edge of the hoodie. He lingers there for a moment. “Have you figured it out now?”

“Maybe I can answer that later,” Sehun says. Want buzzes under his skin like a thousand butterflies flapping their wings. “After we fuck.”

“Oh, Sehunnie,” Jongin purrs, his teeth grazing on Sehun’s neck. “A man who chooses actions over words.”

Sehun wants to make a remark, but Jongin is quicker to silence the attempted defense. His knuckles graze against Sehun’s cock, and Sehun wishes he saw this coming sooner, so he could just put a sparkling ribbon around his cock and give it to Jongin as a gift. The Lego sets cost him a full month of salary at his part-time job. For someone who’s graduating with a double degree in Business Management and Finance, Sehun is quite terrible at setting up a profitable business plan. 

“Sehunnie,” Jongin whines, sounding not-mad and looking like an impatient, excited puppy. “Eyes on me, please.”

“Alright,” Sehun breathes out. He tilts his head back to give Jongin better access. His skin will bruise, but that’s okay. The friction on his leaking cock is not enough, but that’s okay. Jongin is taking everything so freaking slow, from lathering the bruises he made on Sehun’s neck and chest with feather-light kisses to teasing Sehun with his skillful fingers, but that’s okay. Sehun trusts Jongin. Jongin makes Sehun feel safe, and as long as Jongin is within his grasp, everything would be okay.

“Keep the hoodie on,” Jongin commands. “I’ll make you feel good.” He swallows Sehun’s little whimpers with a ferocious kiss. “Until you can’t remember anything before me.”

Sehun already doesn’t remember anything before Jongin, but he _loves_ to be reminded about that. “Make me,” he groans, and that’s the light green Jongin needs. His grip tightens on Sehun’s hip and he tucks a strand of damp hair behind Sehun’s ear.

“You know that I love you too, right?”

Sehun hums in response. “Mmmh.”

*****

“This is a mistake.”

Jongin has the audacity to laugh. Has the _energy_ to laugh his loud and embarrassing laugh when Sehun is so thoroughly spent he could only stare at the wrinkled cum-stained hoodie on the floor with regret.

“You love it, c’mon,” Jongin nestles his head on Sehun’s chest. “You kept making these super hot _mmmh mmmh_ sounds when I fucked you through two orgasms.”

“Can we just,” Sehun looks at the hoodie forlornly, “hand wash it with baking soda or something?”

“Yeah,” Jongin says. “I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“For someone who can’t differentiate between detergent and fabric softener, you sound awfully confident.”

“I love your witty mouth,” Jongin grins cheekily. They should get ready for Kappa Tau’s Christmas party which starts in two hours. Sehun hasn’t decided on his outfit yet and neither has Jongin. Jongin looks stunning in the splendid after sex glow, messy bed hair and sated face. Sehun thinks no outfit could beat this oxytocin-induced look. 

*****

They have to let go of the hoodie.

The hoodie was left untouched for too long; Jongin and Sehun came to the Kappa Tau party and got completely hammered. By the time they woke up from their hangover, it was too late to remove all the stains. Jongin still needs it for his graduation pictorial with Kappa Tau brothers, so they must put it away to preserve it. 

Sehun is inconsolable when Jongin wraps the hoodie in five layers of wrapping papers and gives it to Jaehyun to store it in the house’s safe. “You don’t understand,” he sniffs. “The sentimental value cannot be replicated.”

Jongin abandons him to go check the beef stew. “You can always take another hoodie of mine. They all smell like me.”

Jongin doesn’t smell the same all the time, but it’s pointless to argue with someone about _their own scent_. “Fine,” Sehun grumbles, dragging himself off the couch so he could sneak up behind Jongin and plant a hickey on the back of Jongin’s neck. 

Most of the things between them don't change when they agree to start _dating_. A wave of affection rushes through Sehun as he once again realizes how domestic they’ve been since the beginning. They still have their movie night on Wednesday (a no sex rule has been applied since Jongin wants to maintain the _integrity_ of this tradition), they still fight over the last piece of pizza. Jongin dances, Sehun swims, and they still challenge each other to a few games of pool in the house. They don’t stop bickering about missing socks or whether dogs are better than cats or who is better at Minecraft. 

“Sehun!” Jongin yells from the living room. “The movie starts in fifteen minutes. We will have to clean the toilet for a month if we’re late.”

“I can’t find—” He stops mid-sentence as a flush of déjà vu reaches him. Smiling, he closes his bedroom door behind him and walks in the opposite direction towards Jongin’s closet.

When Jongin sees Sehun emerge in _his_ shirt, his eyes light up the way they do when he dances, when he talks about his future goal of becoming a school counselor and when he shares funny stories of his niece and nephew. It’s the light that shines when Jongin thinks about what he truly, deeply loves. Sehun lets their gaze meet to tell Jongin that he knows Jongin loves him so, so much, and he loves him back just as much, if not more.

“Is there something on my face?”

Jongin snorts. Sehun really remembers every single thing.

“No,” Jongin steps closer and cups Sehun’s beautiful face in his hands. “I just want to kiss you.”

Sehun’s voice is smug, yet the blush on his cheeks says otherwise. “Since you asked nicely,” Sehun mumbles, and Jongin quickly cuts him off with a deep kiss. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> a big thank you to the mods, you're so kind and understanding and i wouldn't be able to make it without you ♡ 
> 
> to the prompter: i wish i could've done better in bringing all the potential cuteness to you. i really hope you somehow like it. thank you for an adorable prompt!
> 
> to everyone, merry belated christmas. stay warm, and enjoy the holiday with your family and friends ♡


End file.
